What is your ideal living situation with those around you? What characteristics would you want in your relationships with the people in your life? How am I contributing to these ideals in my own relationships?

These can be great questions to consider when we are living in community with our family, friends, church, workplace, and in any other area where we spend time with others. Asking these questions can help us establish healthy boundaries, mutual respect, and a greater understanding of how we are called to live with one another.

These questions can also bring to mind another important consideration: What are our desires, and do those desires line up with what God wants for us? We could even ask these questions about our relationship with God. What kind of relationship do we desire with Him? And are we contributing to that relationship through the way we live our lives?

In this Sunday’s Gospel from Matthew 18, Jesus challenges His disciples to consider how they should respond when someone has sinned against them. The steps Jesus lays out seem fairly simple and just, but they require us to take action. His goal is not division or punishment, but reconciliation, healing, and unity. At the heart of this confrontation is a desire for the greater good. Ultimately, it is about the salvation of souls.

We are challenged to consider the relationships in our own lives that have become difficult—within our families, friendships, churches, workplaces, and other communities. How are we helping those around us recognize when their actions are damaging a relationship?

For some of us, we may feel that the situation will eventually correct itself, so we choose not to engage because we want to “keep the peace.” But is it really keeping the peace? Or are we struggling internally, becoming judgmental, or allowing the lack of communication to create even greater separation?

Jesus is not telling us to call someone out publicly or to shame them. Instead, He calls us to go to that person directly and lovingly share with them how their actions are hurting the relationship or the people around them. This requires courage, humility, and love.

If that does not work, Jesus tells us to bring others into the situation who can help and serve as witnesses. Again, the goal is not to embarrass or punish the person. It is about the greater good: reconciliation, healing, and restoring a healthy relationship with one another.

If that still does not work, Jesus tells the community to become involved. Even then, the hope is that the person will recognize what is happening, desire to change, and return to a healthy relationship with the community.

What becomes especially difficult is when someone refuses to acknowledge what they have done or simply does not want to change. In the Gospel, Jesus says to treat such a person as a Gentile or a tax collector. For the Gospel writer, these were people considered to be outside the community. In essence, the person is placed outside the community so that continued harm is not caused within it.

This can be difficult for us because we naturally desire that no one be separated from us. We want our families, friendships, and communities to remain together. But we also need to recognize that reconciliation requires the participation of both people. We can do everything we can to reach out, forgive, communicate, and offer opportunities for healing, but we cannot force another person to change.

We are called to love our neighbor and to do everything we can to help our neighbor—whether family, friend, coworker, or community member—feel valued, welcomed, and loved. At the same time, it is their responsibility to desire the same kind of healthy and respectful relationship with us.

The Gospel message ends with Jesus reminding us of the power of coming together in prayer: “Where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I in the midst of them.”

This is a beautiful reminder that we are not alone in our efforts to heal our relationships. When we gather together in prayer and seek God’s will, we invite Him into the situation. We may not always receive the answer we want or see the change happen as quickly as we would like. We need to trust that our heavenly Father hears our prayers and will respond in His time, not necessarily according to our timetable.

God desires unity, healing, and healthy relationships among His people. He calls us to be part of that work by approaching one another with honesty, compassion, humility, and love.

So perhaps the questions we began with are worth returning to:

What kind of relationships do I desire with the people around me?

Am I contributing to those relationships in a way that reflects God’s love?

And when a relationship becomes difficult, am I willing to take the courageous step toward healing?

When we place these relationships into God’s hands and invite Him into our communities, we can trust that He is present in our midst, guiding us toward reconciliation, healing, and the greater good.

In Christ,

Dcn. Jeff Arner